I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
