i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
