i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize