But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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