My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
