She just used a chaser for red wine.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
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we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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