my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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