i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
