Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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