So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
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