We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
