my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
