just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
