Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
