When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
