This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
