I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
