There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Never joke about your clitoris.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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