my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
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We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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