i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
