my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
