I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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