Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
