I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
