I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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