I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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