Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
