We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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