I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The adults are the big ones right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
