i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
