...so i touched it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
