If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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