Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
