shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize