Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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