he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
