She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
