I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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