and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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