hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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