i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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