never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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