how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
