I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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