Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
