How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
