i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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