Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
