her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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