i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
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Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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