did you get engaged???
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
