Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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