His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
