you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
