yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
