I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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