My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
