Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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