Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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